1. Walk in backwards
2 walk around backwards.
3. try to return something before you have even picked it out
4. return a stolen item
5. ask where you can deposit a stool sample
6. ask where Applebees is in the store
7. ask for building supplies ie planks, plywood, concrete
8. ask if prices keep falling everyday how come nothing is free yet?
9 when someone talke s to you say MOO
10. I work there so laugh at me
Who has good lists (ie. 55 funny things to do @ walmart)?microsoft.com
When I go too walmart with my sister I always smack the front of my feet down hard, so that it makes a loud noise. it drives her crazy.
Who has good lists (ie. 55 funny things to do @ walmart)?internet browser internet explorer
Why starwars is better than the titanic
1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
11. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
12. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars .
13. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
14. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
15. Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
16. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
17. Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!
18. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father."?
19. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
20. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
21. Titanic morals:
a. gamble,
b. cheat on your husband,
c. pose nude for pictures,
d. premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated.
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil,
b. do good,
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers,
d. rescue princess,
e. save planet.
Top 16 rejected motel 6 slogans
16. We're working on that smell thing, too.
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "COPS"
13. If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the Sheets
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.
10. You rented the room, now buy the video.
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*
5. It's Hookerriffic!
4. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother
and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...
1. We put the "Ho" in "Motel
The Poopy List
Ghost poopie:
the kind where you feel the poopie come out, but the toilet like magic is clean!
Clean Poopie:
the kind where you poopie, it comes out, you see it in the toilet, you know it's there, but you wipe clean.
Wet Poopie:
the kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped.
Second Wave Poopie:
this happens when you're done, you stand up, pull your pants up to your knees, and you realize glory is commin' again!
"Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead" Poopie:
this is the kind where you strain so hard to get it out you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln Log Poopie:
the kind of that is so HUGE you're afraid to flush it without the plunger handy.
The Suprise Poopie:
you're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but oops!...wrong..... its a poopie!
Corn Poopie:
now this is self-explanatory.
Drinker's Poopie:
this kind you have the morning after drinking. Note: it's two most noticeable traits are...A) its fowl odor, forget the match...a blow- torch wouldn't even cut this stench!.....B) it's the skid marks it leaves at the bottom of your toilet for the next four days of flushing!
"Gee-I-Wish-I-Could" Poopie:
with this kind you hear yourself chanting over and over.. "i think i can, i think i can". you want to poopie, you know you need to poopie, but you find yourself sitting there til your face is red, you've read 2 novels, and seat marks are left on your butt cheeks,
only to smell a couple of whimpy ole farts.
The Spinal Tap Poopie:
this is where it hurts so bad you swear the stuff is coming out of you sideways!
Wet Cheeks Poopie:
(aka: THE POWER DUMP!) the kind that comes out with such
force, your cheeks get splashed with the water.
Liquid Poopie:
yellowish-brownish, burning juice....need i say more?
Three-Alarm Poopie:
smells so bad you do the courtesy flush three times and it still burns your nose.the neighbors four blocks down the road call the gas company to see if there is a leak!
Upper-Class Poopie:
the kind that, much to your suprise, doesnt smell. in fact you are amazed by the pleasent, fruity smell that has filled the room!
Gassey Poopie:
poopie so noisy, moc-1 doesnt have a thing on it!
and finally...the best...LMAO!
The Dangling Poopie:
the poopie that, no matter how much you shake and shake, refuses to drop into the toilet!!!!!
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicatment before killing them.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."
8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him.
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.
33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
For Fans of Chuck Norris.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
13. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
14. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
15. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
16. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
18. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
19. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
20. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
21. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
22. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
23. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
24. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
26. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
27. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
28. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
29. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
30. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
31. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
32. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
